Ikea - keeping Aussies in line since 1975

The other day Hubby, Mother in Law and I took Magoo to Ikea for the first time. I don't know how other countries feel about Ikea but Australians just love the place.

We love the ingenuity, the organisation, the value for money (oh us Aussies are such a bargain driven lot), and of course the ball room. Despite the fact that I am about 20 years too old for the ball room I still fantasise about having a turn in there. From recent conversations I know I'm not alone...

To Australians, Ikea is like a symbol of all things European, and don't we just love to get away from our stubbies, pies and footy for a bit of European elegance... mate.

But it does crack me up how we flock there by the thousands despite the fact that Ikea and it's "co-workers" (no not employees, staff or workers, but "co-workers") contravene so many of Australia's conventions. Allow me to elaborate:

Convention 1 - Australians have a God-given right to take trolleys into the car park as they please and if you are lucky we may return them to the trolley collection thingy but we still reserve our right to leave them anywhere we wish... mate.

At Ikea not only do they want you to return your trolley to a particular place but there are bloody great bollards surrounding the exit to make it physically impossible to take your trolley into the car park area. Of course it is also impossible to easily get in or out with a pram as we found out...

Convention 2 - Australians have a God-given right to receive as many plastic or other bags as they wish upon purchasing even the smallest item. For we will use them as garbage bags later on - hence we are recycling... mate.

At Ikea you can pay for a paper or reusable plastic bag. Don't get me wrong on this, I think Australia is pathetically behind European countries in cutting out plastic bags, but the "20 cents for a bag!!!" comments I was hearing cracked me up.

Convention 3 - Australians, upon paying for food, have a God-given right to make as much mess as we please and don't even think of asking us to put anything away... mate.

At Ikea when you have finished your food you must return the tray and contents to a big rack at the side of the cafeteria. I think this is quite reasonable, but I watched with eager anticipation as a couple of young guys got up and went to walk away without clearing their table. Sure enough, a "co-worker" appeared like an Oompa Loompa (I don't mean he was short, just fast and well-timed) and instructed the young blokes to clear their table. Despite looking as though they'd been asked to slice off half an arse-cheek and wrap it as a Christmas ham, they dutifully did as they were told.

Whenever I'm at Ikea I just can't help but feel that we are all pretending, that we are made to behave in a way that is so very against our great Aussie instincts. So why do we do it? Is it that we want to be seen to be oh so Euro chic? Is it that we picture a couple of Swedish brutes called Jan and Sven waiting to pounce on us at any minute should we put a foot wrong? Or is it that we are afraid that if we don't behave, Ikea will pack up all it's stuff and go back to Sweden and we will never get to buy an Akut kitchen utensil set for $1.95 ever again?

PS The Daim cake is great.. mate.